The Encyclopedia of PC Terms: Learning Not to Offend in an Orwellian Society

Below, I have listed words and terms that have seen their day in the U.S. Republicans and Independent conservatives are encouraged to learn and used these new terms and definitions in order to hold their jobs, graduate college, or read Census and other government forms.

Nappy-Headed Ho — Although this term is still in general use by the L.A. Crips, sundry Rap artists, and NAACP directors in executive session, those of us who score lower than 15 on Von Luschan’s chromatic skin color scale must use “Sex Worker with Afro Textured Hair.”

Victim — Disadvantaged Perpetrator of a Violent Crime.

Acting Blonde — No Alternative. However acting black is still “Racially Disadvantaged,” due to 300 years of blond oppression.

Mixed/Half-breed — Multi-ethnic. If you are, however, half Irish and half English you are still a bigoted white guy.

Black Sheep — Outcast. Note: An actual black sheep is now a dark-colored ruminant mammal

Retarded — 1. Autistic. 2. Republican

Tea Party — Racist, homophobic assembly. A Tea Party can be distinguished from any other political gathering by racist and homophobic signage like: “Dump Barney Frank,” or “Sarah Palin for President.”

Macaca — Unarmed Middle Easterner. This one was inadvertently made famous by former Virginia governor George Allen. Many UMEs can be found driving taxis in New York City, so when you are traveling there on business, watch your words. Car’s can be weapons.

Oriental — This one’s tricky. My wife, who is half Japanese, tells me that in America, “Asian” must be used, but the moment you cross the International Date Line, be sure to switch back to Oriental, or the Japanese will think you’re calling them Muslims. Traveling the other way, Europeans will, however, think as they always have, that you are just a stupid American.

Global Warming — 1. Climate control 2. Floating Styrofoam

Gas mileage — Carbon footprint. This is complicated, but it essentially means that if your 2009 Toyota gets less than 60 miles-per-gallon it must be junked immediately. Harrison Ford, Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio, however, only have to trade in their private jets when they get less than six miles-per-gallon.

Political Correctness — Equality Essentials. That’s right, Political Correctness is no longer PC. “Equality Essentials” will keep you out of trouble, especially if you work for a government agency or organization like the FBI or U.S. Army.

Republican — Collectivist. This was brought into general usage by John McCain and Lindsey Graham to avoid embarrassment at Washington cocktail parties. It, too, is now out of vogue and they are scrambling for a new alternative.

Collectivist — Greedy Republican. Greed is denoted by the shameless practice of the ownership of goods and the means of production by the people. I’m confused. Does this mean only Democrats can own two Gulf Streams and not be greedy?

Fat — Hormonally Challenged. Hormonally challenged people can be easily identified in the checkout lines at the supermarket: They’re the ones with a basket-load of Sara Lee and a case of Diet Pepsi.

Fairy — Petite Airborne Humanoid. This is not to be confused with fagot or queer, which are, well, still fagots and queers, but have no PC alternatives. Homosexual is now “kneeologist,” or sometimes, “starving artist.”

Founding Fathers — Founders. This sexist term has been modified in order to draw attention to the great female leaders of the Revolutionary Era, like Henrietta Jefferson, Isabella Madison, and Rohesia Washington.

List of PC Definitions:

Race-baiting (noun): The act of willfully opposing Affirmative Action.

Majority (noun): 1. White people. 2. Disgusting oppressors.

Millionaire (noun): anyone earning an income of $40,000 a year or more.

Billionaire (noun): The Great Satan.

Collectivism (noun): Two Republicans deciding where to go for lunch.

Evangelical (adj): Suspected terrorist. An evangelical can be easily identified. They cling to their guns and bibles and pass out hate literature in Wal-Mart parking lots. The term has been clarified recently to include Mormons who, when they are wearing backpacks, should only be approached with bomb-sniffing dogs.

Muslim Terrorist (noun): Oppressed Middle Easterner.

Jingoistic (adj): Tending to consider American interests worthy of consideration by the American government and people.

Fetus (noun): 1. an Inconvenience. 2. The Unfortunate result of Catastrophic condom failure.

Irresponsible (adj): 1. Failure to abort a child if a rich, white, liberal feminist thinks that you should (see sexual responsibility). Note: Sarah Palin is supremely irresponsible and stupid because she decided to bring that fetus to term.

Sexual responsibility (noun): 1. contraception (see condom). 2. when contraception fails, Abortion.

Safe sex (noun): 1. Intercourse with an AIDS carrier wearing a condom. 2. Abortion.

Masculinity (noun): Something noxious and immoral, usually found in men.

Businessman (noun): still Capitalist Pig.

Ghetto/barrio: (noun); Blighted urban landscape. Note: These areas are particularly desirable as backdrops for movie directors, photographers, and Democrats running for office. Blighted urban landscapes are essential to socially conscious liberals and must be supported with food stamp, needle exchange, and pregnancy kit programs. Jobs programs, however, are discouraged.

Illegal immigrant (noun): Entrepreneur. Note: Illegal immigrants can be readily identified, in that they do jobs Americans won’t do, like managing El Pollo Loco, serving on the executive board of La Raza, and working for the County of Los Angeles.

Police officer (noun): 1. Felon. 2. Racist.

Hillary Clinton and Our Human Rights Demerits What? Is She Nuts?

Editor’s Note: Many of my articles now appear on Associated Content. Please drop by and check out the articles.

When Hillary Clinton went to the United Nations citing the United States for human rights violations this week, she was obviously concerned about Arizona law enforcement officers pulling over all those Mexicans in five-year-old Chevys for smog violations. I mean, how dare they? In Tucson everyone with so much as a lawnmower and a rake in the back of a Toyota Tundra is suspect. Get a rope!

And one cannot ignore America’s shameless lack of diversity, tolerance and inclusion in not wanting Muslim terrorist sympathizers and financiers to build a mosque two blocks and a minivan carport away from Ground Zero.

Secretary Clinton has largely escaped criticism in this administration’s insane campaign to deconstruct America and turn it into a gigantic life-size replica of Kenya. Yet, Hillary was the first Alinsky radical to occupy an office in the White House, and now Americans can see this wide load with the most hideous taste in pantsuits since Rosie O’Donnell for what she really is.

But this is not a Democrat-Republican issue; every American should be incensed.

The very idea that any elected or appointed U.S. representative can go to an organization squatting on U.S. soil without so much as paying rent, is bad enough; to subject the greatest nation on earth to the scrutiny of a bunch of Third World bomb-makers we should have shipped back to their mud huts 30 years ago, is obscene.

Washington and the politicians we have elected to run it are out of sync with the American people. One more step and we might as well pass out prayer rugs in school caferaterias and put up signs pointing to Mecca. If Americans aren’t fed up with liberals—code word: progressives—now, what is next? Sensitivity reeducation camps in mini malls?

It seems the only people in the United States who are not tolerated and included are Christians, Jews and conservative Republicans. The only diversities not recognized universally by this government are traditional American values. It is no longer enough that Americans are tolerant toward gays and lesbians; we now must agree that they should have the right to marry.

Everyday Americans are under Orwellian-like scrutiny, for adhering to values that are inherent in the very Articles the Founders drafted into our Constitution. Rights not in our founding documents are being read into it, and the troublemakers, the ones who are berated day after day in the national media, are those of us who want a secure border. Something is very wrong here.

Let’s see: the President attends a Chicago church that wholesales racist, anti-American and incendiary rhetoric like bootleg CDs at a flea market, and the media ignores it as if it were no more than a low speed bump in a Target parking lot. And we call that inclusion? How very Upper East Side.

In April 1986, Ronald Reagan took the decidedly intolerant step of attacking Muammer Gaddafi’s compound near Tripoli, after Libyan terrorists bombed a German discotheque and killed two American servicemen. Now Libya has been elected to the U.N. Human Rights Council. What is that, an achievement reward for the bombing of Pan Am 103?

Friend, I don’t care what your political stripe is; this is Twilight Zone brand insanity. It is time for Democrats, Republicans and Independents to join together to condemn the globalist sycophants in our government who are propagating this nonsense.