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The Encyclopedia of PC Terms: Learning Not to Offend in an Orwellian Society

In Civil Lefts on 30/09/2010 at 05:47

Below, I have listed words and terms that have seen their day in the U.S. Republicans and Independent conservatives are encouraged to learn and used these new terms and definitions in order to hold their jobs, graduate college, or read Census and other government forms.

Nappy-Headed Ho — Although this term is still in general use by the L.A. Crips, sundry Rap artists, and NAACP directors in executive session, those of us who score lower than 15 on Von Luschan’s chromatic skin color scale must use “Sex Worker with Afro Textured Hair.”

Victim — Disadvantaged Perpetrator of a Violent Crime.

Acting Blonde — No Alternative. However acting black is still “Racially Disadvantaged,” due to 300 years of blond oppression.

Mixed/Half-breed — Multi-ethnic. If you are, however, half Irish and half English you are still a bigoted white guy.

Black Sheep — Outcast. Note: An actual black sheep is now a dark-colored ruminant mammal

Retarded — 1. Autistic. 2. Republican

Tea Party — Racist, homophobic assembly. A Tea Party can be distinguished from any other political gathering by racist and homophobic signage like: “Dump Barney Frank,” or “Sarah Palin for President.”

Macaca — Unarmed Middle Easterner. This one was inadvertently made famous by former Virginia governor George Allen. Many UMEs can be found driving taxis in New York City, so when you are traveling there on business, watch your words. Car’s can be weapons.

Oriental — This one’s tricky. My wife, who is half Japanese, tells me that in America, “Asian” must be used, but the moment you cross the International Date Line, be sure to switch back to Oriental, or the Japanese will think you’re calling them Muslims. Traveling the other way, Europeans will, however, think as they always have, that you are just a stupid American.

Global Warming — 1. Climate control 2. Floating Styrofoam

Gas mileage — Carbon footprint. This is complicated, but it essentially means that if your 2009 Toyota gets less than 60 miles-per-gallon it must be junked immediately. Harrison Ford, Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio, however, only have to trade in their private jets when they get less than six miles-per-gallon.

Political Correctness — Equality Essentials. That’s right, Political Correctness is no longer PC. “Equality Essentials” will keep you out of trouble, especially if you work for a government agency or organization like the FBI or U.S. Army.

Republican — Collectivist. This was brought into general usage by John McCain and Lindsey Graham to avoid embarrassment at Washington cocktail parties. It, too, is now out of vogue and they are scrambling for a new alternative.

Collectivist — Greedy Republican. Greed is denoted by the shameless practice of the ownership of goods and the means of production by the people. I’m confused. Does this mean only Democrats can own two Gulf Streams and not be greedy?

Fat — Hormonally Challenged. Hormonally challenged people can be easily identified in the checkout lines at the supermarket: They’re the ones with a basket-load of Sara Lee and a case of Diet Pepsi.

Fairy — Petite Airborne Humanoid. This is not to be confused with fagot or queer, which are, well, still fagots and queers, but have no PC alternatives. Homosexual is now “kneeologist,” or sometimes, “starving artist.”

Founding Fathers — Founders. This sexist term has been modified in order to draw attention to the great female leaders of the Revolutionary Era, like Henrietta Jefferson, Isabella Madison, and Rohesia Washington.

List of PC Definitions:

Race-baiting (noun): The act of willfully opposing Affirmative Action.

Majority (noun): 1. White people. 2. Disgusting oppressors.

Millionaire (noun): anyone earning an income of $40,000 a year or more.

Billionaire (noun): The Great Satan.

Collectivism (noun): Two Republicans deciding where to go for lunch.

Evangelical (adj): Suspected terrorist. An evangelical can be easily identified. They cling to their guns and bibles and pass out hate literature in Wal-Mart parking lots. The term has been clarified recently to include Mormons who, when they are wearing backpacks, should only be approached with bomb-sniffing dogs.

Muslim Terrorist (noun): Oppressed Middle Easterner.

Jingoistic (adj): Tending to consider American interests worthy of consideration by the American government and people.

Fetus (noun): 1. an Inconvenience. 2. The Unfortunate result of Catastrophic condom failure.

Irresponsible (adj): 1. Failure to abort a child if a rich, white, liberal feminist thinks that you should (see sexual responsibility). Note: Sarah Palin is supremely irresponsible and stupid because she decided to bring that fetus to term.

Sexual responsibility (noun): 1. contraception (see condom). 2. when contraception fails, Abortion.

Safe sex (noun): 1. Intercourse with an AIDS carrier wearing a condom. 2. Abortion.

Masculinity (noun): Something noxious and immoral, usually found in men.

Businessman (noun): still Capitalist Pig.

Ghetto/barrio: (noun); Blighted urban landscape. Note: These areas are particularly desirable as backdrops for movie directors, photographers, and Democrats running for office. Blighted urban landscapes are essential to socially conscious liberals and must be supported with food stamp, needle exchange, and pregnancy kit programs. Jobs programs, however, are discouraged.

Illegal immigrant (noun): Entrepreneur. Note: Illegal immigrants can be readily identified, in that they do jobs Americans won’t do, like managing El Pollo Loco, serving on the executive board of La Raza, and working for the County of Los Angeles.

Police officer (noun): 1. Felon. 2. Racist.

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Obama Hates Us, He Really Hates Us (and Fox News!)

In Obamarama on 29/09/2010 at 00:58

So President Obama was just interviewed in Rolling Stone magazine, that thinning pamphlet for our country’s dwindling supply of pony-tailed pensioners. (AARP skews younger.)
by Greg Gutfeld

When asked about Fox News, this is what our Commander-in-chief had to say.

I think Fox … is part of the tradition that has a very clear, undeniable point of view. It’s a point of view that I disagree with. It’s a point of view that I think is ultimately destructive for the long-term growth of a country that has a vibrant middle class and is competitive in the world. But as an economic enterprise, it’s been wildly successful.

Okay. So, you’re the President of the United States, with both Houses under your control. You also have the most fawning press of any president in the history of the universe. And yet you let FNC get under your skin, because it’s the only network that doesn’t have a thrill up its leg?

Obama is like a sports team who owns the ref, the fans and the field- but refuses to play until the kid in the tenth row stops chewing gum.

So let’s indulge Obama’s fantasy: and imagine if FNC didn’t exist. Yeah, it’s the good old days, when the only media was a liberal one.

Well, Obama would still be in trouble. See, it wasn’t Fox who started the tea parties. It was Rick Santelli – and then America ran with it.

In fact, it would be far worse for Obama if there was no Fox, because then he’d only have the American people to bash. There is no Republican adversary, and without FNC – who’s left? You.
And this is why the Whiner-in-Chief needs us. It provides cover, so Obama can criticize Americans without ever saying “America.” He can just say Fox News instead.

I don’t mind. We’re happy to help.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist, homophobic, taurophobe.

Inside the Mother Ship: Why the Democrats Are Losing Washington

In Obamarama on 07/09/2010 at 07:02

Barack Obama’s first term literacy campaign is failing miserably. In 19 months the Democratic Party and the Presidents advisors in the White House still cannot read polls well enough to understand that their daily stonings of the Tea Party movement and its frontline generals aren’t working.

With Obama’s poll numbers now within range of making George W. Bush a rock star, the President seems at a loss to recognize that his policies are not gelling with the American people. One of two things can be wrong here: Either Obama’s advisors are vacationing on the dark side of the moon, or he is unmanageable.

Over the past 60 years the Democratic Party has masterfully managed to use the American media to its advantage in disseminating its message. Democrats win elections on hot-button issues such as jobs, Social Security, Medicare and taxing fat corporations; class warfare is their stock and trade.

Yet, at what most economists are calling the tail end of one of the worst recessions in memory, the White House has almost solely concentrated its efforts on tearing down its detractors, while ignoring a strategy that instills hope in American voters.

It seems that the Democrats are now resigned to a fallback position. They are redirecting vital campaign dollars to save the few seats in Congress they believe they can still win in the fall. This in anyone lexicon is defined as a bunker mentality.

What this president and his staff fail to comprehend is that with just a tiny bit of leadership, most Americans were willing to walk off a cliff for him. Not this American but most. Instead, he has spent a year and a half making “W” look desirable.

Regardless of who is to blame here, in a word, Barack Hussein Obama is a public relations nightmare. Captain Queeg didn’t have a bigger persecution complex than this guy at the Caine Mutiny courts marshal.

Today the President, in working his humorous lambast of Republicans in Congress, once again went off TelePrompTer and deteriorated into another diatribe that is sounding more and more like whining, when he said the opposition, “talk about me like a dog.”

This is almost comic relief for a nation in economic crisis. Sunday, the day before Mr. Obama threw his pity party to union members in Milwaukee, his top political advisor, David Plouffe, whined that Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin were leading the charge to pick on the President. I’ve placed a box of tissues at the bottom of the page.

If I may be so bold, I would like to address President Obama directly for a moment.

Mr. Obama, man up and stop acting like a schoolyard fag. Sarah Palin could kick your ass. When you defeated John McCain and were sworn into office in January 2009, did you think you won an all-expenses-paid vacation to Cancun? You are leader of the free world.

You are President of the United States, criticism comes with the job. When was the last time you asked Mitch McConnell or John Boehner to a working lunch at the White House? Roll up your sleaves and go to work. What is wrong with you? You are embarrassing yourself.

I know you never knew your father, but you had a grandfather who fought in World War II. Didn’t the guy teach you anything about being a man? Stop being such a wuss.

What I mean is, can’t we all just get along?