Half the fun of doing a conservative blog is being able to laugh at the insanity. If I had to spend everyday ranting about the craziness I’d probably go mad, but fortunately the Left gives me plenty of fodder to make fun, and it’s what I enjoy most about blogging the events of the day, even if I do go over the top once in a while. So, here are my personal picks for Lefty of 2009. Remember, you don’t have to be a lefty to get a Lefty; just forgetting that you’re a conservative will do. Oh, and Barack Obama doesn’t get a Lefty – he is the Lefty.
10. Perez Hilton – This little baton twirler is such an embarrassment that even GLAAD wishes he would go straight. After launching a campaign to destroy Miss USA runner up Carrie Prejean, he went on a half-dozen high-profile crying jags to protest a well-deserved bitch slapping.
9. Arianna Huffington – The Wicked Witch of the Left bearded as a Republican and a wife before her ex-husband, former congressman Michael Huffington, came out of the closet and moved away with Brucie. Even before that, Reagan campaign manager Ed Rollins called them the most unprincipled couple in American politics. That’s something, when one considers Billy and Hilly. When Michael slipped off to the wrinkie room, Aryana took about a nanosecond thinking about her next move and became David Brock in drag.
8. Keith Olbermann – Unless you are an ardent liberal or a sports fan with masochistic tendencies you probably don’t know Keith Olbermann. His insignificance precedes him only a hair’s breadth ahead of his massive ego. For his entire career at MSNBC Olbermann has been engaged in a ratings battle with Bill O’Reilly, only Nielsen hasn’t noticed. Keith owes his appearance in the 2009 LCL Lefty Awards to his seemingly endless ability to lie his way through his journalism career, maintain a viewership of three, and still remain employed.
7. Teddy Kennedy – For doing what he should have done at Chappaquiddick. In eulogizing the “Lion of the Senate” his colleagues forgot to mention that Teddy cheated on his Harvard exams, swam away as Mary Jo Kopechne scratched the headliner out of the car, and – with Chris Dodd – attempted rape on a waitress in a Washington watering hole. Thanks for the memories, Teddy.
6. Chris Matthews – For single-handedly tanking MSNBC ratings, and his man-crush on Barack Obama. Chris brought bromance out of the closet and metrosexuals everywhere are thanking him. Whoda thunk? Just one little chill up the leg started a movement.
7. Bill O’Reilly – For calling guest anchor Laura Ingraham a “blind ideologue,” harkening back to his feeble defense, in 2007, when Geraldo Rivera accused Michelle Malkin of being a racist for her stand on illegal immigration. Also for his “fair and balanced” romance with Michelle Obama, Bill exemplifies everything wrong about fence-walking independents. Get off yourself, Bill.
5. Chris Dodd – This is sort of a lifetime achievement award because I don’t think we’ll be seeing Senator Dodd much after 2010. Chris has accomplishments galore to recommend him: He was half of the infamous Teddy Kennedy “Waitress Sandwich,” he almost single-handedly created the loan crises, and he always has a favor for a felon in need.
4. Lindsey Graham – For his whacko environmental stance and for voting for Sonya Sotomayor’s Supreme Court appointment. Lindsey would make a good Sunday play-by-play man on MSNBC.
3. David Letterman – This snaggle-toothed wisecracker took it way too far with his bizarre Late Night serial stalking of Sarah Palin, which included going after her teenage daughter, Willow. Dave, the monologue’s growing tired, anyway; take Dr. Phil’s advice. Seek help!
2. Jeannine Garofalo – I just can’t say enough about Jeanine but I’ll try. Rubber rooms were designed with her in mind. She lands near the top, this year, for this little gem: “When I see the American flag, I go, ‘Oh my God, you’re insulting me.’” Jeannine brings out misogynistic tendencies I didn’t know existed.
And the 2009 Lefty Award Winner is …