When the News Isn't Fit to Print ... Blog

A Simple Tutorial For Liberals About Guns

In Can You Hear Me Now?, Civil Lefts, Disappearing Ink on 13/01/2011 at 20:35

Republican Wyatt Earp

Now that we have irrefutable evidence that Jared Lee Loughner wasn’t inspired to his horrific act of violence last week by the tea parties, Sarah Palin or Rush Limbaugh, we’ve assembled some simple rules for liberals to follow in the future, so they don’t actually get someone shot themselves with their irresponsible charges.

Granted, some on the left seem to want Sarah Palin dead, if you can believe the tweets and comments on the Daily Kos and Media Matters, but we will assume that a few hundred wingnuts don’t represent the vast majority of lost souls who call themselves progressives. You will notice, however, that Hot Air and Big Government and The Daily Caller posts aren’t burning up with threats from conservatives who wish Barack Obama or Nancy Pelosi harm. We don’t wish them harm; we wish them retired.

First, conservatives don’t point their guns at anyone who isn’t pointing one at them. This was best demonstrated historically at the O.K. Corral, where four loudmouthed Democrats given to making outrageous charges drew their guns on the Republican Earp brothers. The Earps won. Of course they had one pro-gun Blue Dog with them, Doc Holliday, but the fight was fair. Check my history here, but I think that was the last time a Democrat ever got on the right side anything.

Secondly, pro-gun conservatives don’t make idle threats. If you’ve been warned it is because you are dangerous to someone. We don’t brandish our guns and yell a whole lot; it doesn’t accomplish anything. Generally a conservative is more apt to back you in the corner for a good bitch slapping rather than shoot you. Ammunition is expensive.

Third, a pro-gun conservative may have a weapon at any time, regardless of liberal municipal ordinances—call it a weakness—but he or she will never point it at a public official or an innocent citizen. Worry if you are an armed rapist, mugger, home invader or loony tune out to wreak havoc on innocent citizens, otherwise you are safe.

Last, and this is important, pro-gun conservatives understand the limitations of the Second Amendment. If you see a gate around one of our yards, it is usually not there to keep intruders out; it is there to keep them in until the police take them away. Of course, there are those unfortunate times when an intruder brings a gun to a conservative’s home, but we cannot be responsible for everyone.

In spite of a complete lack of evidence and contrary to history, liberals have for years waited for unfortunate opportunities to level baseless charges at conservatives, when quite the contrary has been the case. A pro-Castro communist assassinated JFK, Robert Kennedy was murdered by a Palestinian terrorist, and Harry Truman’s attackers were Puerto Rican rebels.

John Hinckley was a deranged Jodie Foster fan; Squeaky Fromm and Sara Jane Moore, who each attempted to assassinate Gerald Ford were, respectively, a Manson Family member and whack job. Each one of these individuals can be accurately described as a liberal.

When are you guys going to get it right?

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