When the News Isn't Fit to Print ... Blog

How to Make $1 Trillion

In Bowling for Dollars, Harvard Math, Obamarama on 07/01/2011 at 07:46

While Steny Hoyer was blaming Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush for the current economic catastrophe, I was thinking about all the money we could’ve saved if he’d gone into show business.  He has the name for it.  How about, “Hoyer and Hoyer”?  Or “Hoyer Gonna Keep ‘Em Down on the Farm, After They’ve Seen DC, with Steny Hoyer”?

Has anyone noticed how easily Congress throws around that trillion-dollar figure these days?  Trillion is clearly the new billion.

I’ve been researching the numerical comparisons of $1 trillion and thinking of a way to put it in perspective.  I’m still trying to get my head around it, but this is what I’ve come up with so far.  Note:  Figures for Nancy Pelosi’s travel and Congressional junkets are still out, so I’ve just gone with their resident travel maven, Barack Obama.

Michelle Obama could take a vacation-slash-shopping trip to Spain every day for the next 4,500 years—shopping side trips thrown in gratis—and she would still be short by $1.5 billion.

Barack could shut down New York for Air Force One Date Night for the next 10,000 years, throw in a new Isabel Toledo gown for Michelle, take in a Broadway show and Masa and leave double tips, drop by Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s grave with flowers, and he’d still be $10.42 short.

To personally spend $1 trillion in U.S. dollars Barack Obama would have to make 5,000 Asia trips with full entourage, buy out the Taj Mahal in Dubai for staff and press corps and throw in dinner and gambling, and he would have gone over by about 20 cents.  Pack your burqa, Katie Couric.  No bikinis on the beach.

Eight thousand Nobel Prize trips, 12,000 Camp David retreats—White House chef is extra—4,500 Hawaii vacations, 900 European trips with side junkets to Kenya to check on the cousins, 20,000 play dates with Sasha and Malia—$990 billion and change.

These figures may be off a little; after I get past the ninth zero I get mixed up.  Actually, I just pulled them out of thin air, the same place Congress and the Administration get theirs.  But with the damage they have done so far, we would be a hell of a lot better off just to let them travel and keep them out of Washington for the next 30 years.

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