When the News Isn't Fit to Print ... Blog

Why is Barney Frank Flying So Much?

In Can You Hear Me Now?, Civil Lefts, Obamarama, The American Jihad, The Enemy Among Us on 27/11/2010 at 19:14

Just a few end-of-the-week musings on this whole TSA fiasco.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but has anybody heard from Mitt Romney on this? I’ve been waiting with baited breath for him to file for a Mormon Church exemption. “Don’t touch my recruitment junk.” Imagine Mitt meeting a fellow Mormon TSA screener. “Excuse me, sir, I’m going to have to grope around in your sacred underwear now.”

Meanwhile, Barney Frank is the only member of Congress who’s volunteering for the pat-downs. He demanded to go through screening at Logan twice on Thanksgiving Day and asked the TSA officer for a date.

The President, however, does recognize a Constitutional issue here. In light of these new restrictions, he is drafting a codicil to the Fourth Amendment. It will read:

“The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, with the exception of genitalia, breasts and other bodily parts to be later designated.”

What I think amazes me most in this whole ordeal, is the twits they’re interviewing on the news who don’t see a problem.

We have now subjected ourselves to warrantless wiretaps by the Bush and all subsequent administrations. This due to the fact that his administration didn’t want to single out Muslims. That Bush is a hoot. And now we’re giving away our right against warrantless search and seizure. This is truly the MTV generation. Ninety percent of college-age young women today think of their bodies as Grope Central anyway.

Perhaps most troubling to me—above and beyond the fact that I could be visited in the middle of the night by warrantless government storm troopers looking for my guns—is the cost. Think of the bucks we’re spending on all of this—$8 billion a year! So I’ve figured out a way to save the taxpayers a ton of loot.

Ask GLAAD for volunteers. Talk about volunteerism.

TSA administrator John “Long Dong Silver” Pistole (Ann Coulter came up with that one) wants us to know that the exemption for Muslims is on track. I’m buying my wife a burqa in the hope she can pass. “Come right through, Ms. Abdulmutallab. We’re only feeling up Christians and Jews.”

There is an upside. Airplanes are for the first time since D.B. Cooper pulled the ripcord and sailed into legend and myth, we are safe from traveling salesmen who like to annoy passengers with samples.

And babies may be a little louder, but isn’t it a comfort to know that, while you’re in the air, the toddler next to you isn’t sucking on a bottle of Methylammonium nitrate? That worry eliminated along with toothpaste, deodorant, shave cream and Gatorade.

Meanwhile the FBI, an organization determined to actually stop terrorists before they blow up something, arrested a would-be bomber in Oregon over the weekend. His name is, oddly enough, Mohamed Osman Mohamud.

An irate Methodist no doubt.

  1. My family of girls & friends have decided that we are going to purchase the burqa’s too……I can pat my head & body as good as they can….

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